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KeithSpeak-September 2023


September 1, 2023
I opened the hot tub cover this morning and exposed a little bat sleeping on the digital keypad. It slowly opened its eyes and then blinked them shut when it saw it was daylight. It stayed motionless for a bit and I thought it might have gone back to sleep so I got really close to examine it. But then it reopened its eyes and suddenly we were staring at each other close range. I'm telling you, this little thing was cute. It had baby bear ears and a really sweet face. With me just inches away, I'm sure it was wondering what the fuck. Anyway, I backed off and let it be. 5 minutes later it flew away. A smashing start to the day, it was.
September 2, 2023
Yesterday I ran into someone I hadn't seen in a decade. We hugged, caught up and as we parted he said, See you in another 10. There is the misconception that if you "know everybody" in a small town that you see them frequently, but it's far from the truth. It turns out you only run into them every now and again, somewhere in town, but you can go years without seeing them until one day, out of the blue, you do. Then it's like old home week - you hug, you catch up, you part and say, See you in another 10. It's quaint, oddly endearing, and is just another reason why I love living here.
September 3, 2023
I was thinking about one hit wonders. You put out a song, the thing blows up and bingo, you are forever associated with that monster hit. Follow up tunes and albums are tried but nothing else resonates at the level of the smash song. If this happens when you're say, 25, for the next 40 years, you will have to sing that ditty every time you play music for anybody. It will be demanded. That song has made you a lot of money and bought mama a new house, but having to sing it every. single. time. ...would you end up hating it or could you still love playing it after all those years?
September 4, 2023
Have you ever anticipated something exciting that you knew was going to happen but you didn't know when and as the days pass and it doesn't transpire the tension ratchets, the anticipation heightens, and your patience starts to wear thin? Then, after even more delays you start to get miffed, a bit angry, perhaps somewhat irrational so you take it out on others and soon your local environment is toxic, no one is talking to each other and another kind of tension fills the air? So that when the thing finally arrives, it's anticlimactic and barely tolerable? That ever happen to you? No?
September 5, 2023
Overheard a woman talking to her cat at the vets.
-- It's going to be ok, Mitzie. Don't be nervous. I won't let them hurt you. Sweetie, I know you're old and tired but we'll get some medicine and you will be well again. You have to be, Mitzie. I don't know what I'd do without you... Oh honey, I'm so afraid of losing you! You have to get better. I need you, Mitzie. Please get well. Please. Please.
September 6, 2023
The bigger one is saying, She's mine! Look at those no nonsense eyes, the determined, pursed lips, the set jaw. See that arm draped casually over her shoulder - a true power move! Everything screams, She's mine!
Meanwhile the smaller one holds on for dear life, pleading! pleading for anyone to help her out of this non-consensual, unwanted, crippling, master-slave relationship with her demonstrative, possessive, determined older sister. Look at those puppy dog eyes! She's screaming, Help me, someone, anyone, please! Will anyone respond?
September 7, 2023
My computer booted this morning and all 3 clocks on my desktop had different times. How is that even possible? In the old days I would have delved into this technical issue determined to understand what was going on, but I'm long past that need now. Now I don't care if the clocks are all wrong. Time is an illusion anyway. This just allows me to live my beliefs.
September 8, 2023
2 guys were in a street fight with about 8 people gathered round to watch. 2 of the 8 were the wives of the fighting men.
-- I honestly don't know what gets into Henry when he's like this. The littlest thing can set him off.
-- Brian is no better. I married him because I felt protected, but he's just a bully who loves to provoke others.
-- We married hooligans.
-- Heathens.
-- Brawlers.
-- Fools.
-- But what does that make us?
September 10, 2023
I saw a good price on an item so I ordered it. When it came, there were taxes and tariffs, delivery charges, prep charges and brokers fees. By the time all was said and done, it was so far past just the good price that it seems ridiculous to think it was ever a good price at all. Sigh.
September 11, 2023
Is there really someone for everyone? Is the concept of a soul mate more than just familiarity with someone you knew from a previous life? Is destiny and/or fate real? Are serendipity and coincidence the same thing? Can you really change your life for the better? Are happiness and contentment the same thing? Should you be concerned with what you haven't yet learned? The answer is yes. To all.
September 12, 2023
All of us here are trying to get through a life and that's really all that's the same between us. We are each at different developmental stages so our lives will reflect that. Individually, our challenges may be quite different but our goals are the same - personal development. You are here to be a better you. Are too.
September 13, 2023
I just got a phishing e-mail from my own bank. It was followed by an alert notification about my account. It all looked highly suspicious. I called the bank to verify its veracity and was told all was good. I pointed out 5 errors in the emails and how it looked like phishing. They agreed it was clumsy and told me it was a new service they were rolling out. This too sounded suspicious. What about the account alert notice? False flag, Mr. Ryan. Don't worry about that. This too sounded suspicious. Jesus, now I have to literally go into my local branch and get the information directly from a teller. I still don't know - was I being phished or are these bungled e-mails legit?
September 15, 2023
A mistake was made. It was my fault. I tried to rectify it but to no avail. Now at this point, some people would dwell on what happened and how they could have done it better, but others own up to it and move on from it. Looking back at the past and wishing you could do it over or you would change how you did it the first time is counterproductive to understanding why you were involved in the first place. Reconciling the past is taking responsibility for your actions, understanding that you were involved and why that was so. Only then can you leave it behind and create the future, avoiding the same mistakes. If all you do is beat yourself up or blame someone else for your mistakes, then you will likely repeat them. Capish?
September 17, 2023
This is either the beginning or the end.
You're either coming or you're going.
There is no time for indecision.
No place to stop and think about it.
No way to prevent your arrival or departure.
But there is a way back.
Just stop and turn around.
Is that what you want?
September 18, 2023
Two days ago I woke up at 3 in the morning because of a droning sound. It was a steady motorized hum and I had no idea where it was coming from. The window was open but I didn't hear it outside. I got up and followed the noise. In the pitch black kitchen I first saw a light on the range hood and realized the fan was on high. What? I had gone to bed at 11 and I know for a fact the fan was not on. My wife is travelling so no one else is home. So who turned on the hood fan at 3 in the morning? Again, does this stuff only happen to me?
September 19, 2023
Some people are crazy about animals. Others aren't.
Some people find succor, love and companionship with animals. Others don't.
Some people love animals more than people. Others find that abject.
All research shows that people with animals are happier. Others scoff.
So what's wrong with the others?
September 21, 2023
Our new 18 month old refrigerator just died. Well that was an expensive disappointment. But can you live without one? We went fridge shopping and saw that the prices have almost doubled since we bought ours a year and a half ago. And nothing is changed to warrant a 90% increase in the price; same materials, same design, same interior, same compressor. The salesman blithely blames the supply chain. That convenient excuse makes it clear he has no idea why everything costs so much more. But I do. It's greed. Plain and simple.
September 23, 2023
I spent way too much time researching and reading reviews of refrigerators and the companies that make them and have come to the conclusion that although it is a marvelous machine and a must have for any house, buying one that isn't a broken piece of crap after 2-3 years is a real pig in a poke. The appliance industry is clearly practicing planned obsolescence.
Planned Obsolescence - a deliberate strategy ensuring that the current version of a product will become out of date or useless within a known time period.
Greedy bastards.
September 26, 2023
Cool. My fridge rant got the attention of the people who made the latest failure in our kitchen. I told them I bought it because of sentimental reasons: they were manufactured in my home town. Many of the guys I went to high school with still work there. So, can they fix my fridge? No, they said. Will they give me a new one? No, they said. What if I send my Mom over to harangue them in person and embarrass them in public like the many times she's done that with me? No, they said. So we're buying another brand. These chaps were totally unreasonable. I'm sending Mom over anyway.
September 27, 2023
Overheard a family at a restaurant.
-- What are you having, Cheryl?
-- I don't know, everything looks so good.
-- What about you kids? See anything you like?
-- I do! I'm having the chicken fingers.
-- Me too!
-- Daddy?
-- Yes, pumpkin?
-- I can't read the menu.
-- What?! You need glasses? At your age?
-- No.
-- I'm just kidding, honey.
-- But you do know I can't read yet, right?
-- I certainly do. Wow, look at the price of the steak! I was gonna have steak but maybe not now. The shrimp?
-- But daddy, I can't read the menu.
-- Uh huh. Ask your mother, honey.
-- Ok, I've decided. I'm having a salad.
-- Oh come on, Cheryl. We're at a nice restaurant, why don't you order something good for yourself? You never eat.
-- I'm watching my weight.
-- You're too thin already.
-- You can't be too thin or too rich, Darryl.
-- Oh Cheryl, that's-
-- Daddy?
-- What!
-- Don't yell at the children, Darryl.
-- I've decided to have the chicken fingers since I don't know what else there is.
-- That's nice, honey. Cheryl, eat something.
-- Don't start with me, Darryl.
September 28, 2023
I bought what I thought was dishwashing detergent because the label said it had increased grease cleaning properties. I loaded the dishwasher last night and put in the new detergent. I opened the dishwasher this morning and it's full of suds. What? I clean out the suds and run the dishwasher again. More suds! I take a look at the bottle of dishwashing detergent and see that it is laundry detergent. Uh oh. 5 cycles later and it's still coming out with suds. After a quick check of the Interwebs, I loaded the dispenser with vinegar and ran it again. Ha, no suds! But the dishwasher smelled like vinegar. Two more empty cycles and both the smell and suds are gone. As I had a lot of time to wait around, as you can imagine, I got to wondering how many other people in the world were having had similar dishwasher disasters at the exact same time? After all, it's a big planet full of people with both dishwashers and laundry detergent. Could I have been the only one? Should I contact Guinness?
September 29, 2023
A courier tried to deliver a package but our driveway gate was closed. He really wanted it off his truck so he decided to walk it down to the house. Our driveway is 2 football fields long. He had no idea it was so far, or that there would be a bear in an apple tree half way down. When he got to the house he was out of breath and nervous. He kept looking behind himself. After I signed for the package he asked if I could give him a lift back up to his truck as it was a very long driveway and did I know of the bear in the tree and the peril it inspired in him? So drive we did. As he got out he said, "We're trained to deal with all kinds of dogs, but no one ever mentioned bears. Not once. Not even once." Ah, the rural life.
September 30, 2023
She told me she was an influencer. I laughed. As if to justify being a teenage shill she had to tell me that she was making "gazillions of dollars" and had half a million followers. What are you influencing? The hearts and minds of the people, she said bravely. I laughed again. She was 18 at most and her only previous work experience was at Burger King. Now she was influencing the hearts and minds of the people by inveigling them to buy whatever trinket she was hawking from anyone that would pay her to do so. This says a lot about her, but goodness, what it says about her followers. This is how cults form. That's all I'm sayin'...

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