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KeithSpeak- November 2008




November 1, 2008
This could be...
-- Bush, sailing off into the sunset, even though he doesn't know how to sail, still as befuddled and ignorant as when he arrived.
-- Barack Obama sailing into unchartered waters.

-- John McCain, lost, refusing to admit he’s lost, angry because he’s lost, cursing the ocean and his boat because they made him lost, angry and old.

November 2, 2008

I’m sitting up in our field looking at the view, pretty darned relaxed, when a hawk comes screaming in and strikes ten feet to my left, SCARING THE CRAP OUT OF ME! I can’t describe how fast it happened, how noisy the strike was, or how astonished I was to have this big hawk on the ground, right next to me, with a hardened glare in its eyes and a writhing vole in its clutches. Sweet Jesus! It then lifted off, allowing me to exhale, regain my senses, and begin to process this fantastic event.


November 3, 2008

If there were no pets in the world, all we’d have is each other. Ew, I would hate that. I mean, sure, humans are ok, but companion animals are a grace. Live without them? No thanks.


November 4, 2008

There was not much more to Petey than a smile and a rakish cap, so he overcompensated by giving people gifts in order to buy their love and admiration. Here he is meeting someone for a coffee.

November 6, 2008

It’s morning, you open your eyes, and this is what you wake up to.

To many men, this is still a dream.

November 7, 2008

I don’t know if this guy’s Are-you-kidding-me?! look is due to the salad, the salad dressing, using the wrong fork, the fact that nobody looks good in orange, or the Munster-like super out of date football helmet hairstyle.


November 8, 2008

Because I know what's best for moi, I’ve tried to do what I want all my life. I'm able to do this because I trust my own counsel, believe my own thoughts and embody those beliefs in my actions. So when someone doesn’t like what I’ve done, but I do, their dislike doesn’t denigrate the fact that I’ve done what I wanted to do, and have therefore pleased myself. All you have to do is please yourself. Really. I’m serious.


November 9, 2008

I’ve been thinking lately of a childhood friend. We keep in touch every now and then, and it’s always good to see him, but I haven’t for a while. Anyway, he’s been on my mind, so when I go and check the site stats this morning and see by his IP that he logged on last night, I’m not surprised. For me it’s just an illustration of the mental connections that we humans are naturally capable of, but treat as if they don’t exist. To those who would say it’s just coincidence, I say, Haw! I say, wake up. There’s more going on than you could possibly imagine.


November 10, 2008

She would be the belle of the ball!



Of course, her parents disapproved. That awful boy with the mask!



He was a deep sea diver named Dan. Here seen leaving the boat to pick up his date.


November 11, 2008

This story has such a tragic ending... Dan never made it to the ball. I know! Seems he was caught in a once in a lifetime über riptide, carried out to sea and eaten by Balkan Circle sharks. I know! Of course the Circle shark theory is still being tested while they look for pieces of Dan and such, but it seems, in the end, this magnificent story of triumph and hope becomes just another tragic tale. So sad. The end.


November 12, 2008

But it’s not the end! At the funeral, coming forth to cry over Dan’s empty casket was...his wife! That’s right, diver Dan was already married!

Her name was Glenda and she was a machinist at Thomson Bros. Lathe and Machine, shown here at work moments before she was told her husband was dating a young belle and had just been washed out to sea on his way to pick her up and probably eaten by Balkan Circle sharks. But that’s not the half of it! Without even turning off her machine, Glenda shot back that she knew all about the tarty little ingénue because Dan had asked Glenda herself to wear a white dress and get all dolled up for the ball, but Glenda had just laughed and said between sips of her beer, “Yeah, right."  She did express a little interest in the shark thing. Then she went back to her mill. So I guess this is now the real end of this truly sensational story. Wow.


November 14, 2008

Two team invites in the same week! My my, puff puff. I got asked to play on a competitive men’s softball team for this Spring, and then a few days later got asked to play rec hockey this Winter with a team in a nearby town. In the same week! Girls envy me, all the boys are jealous.


November 15, 2008


It’s Sophie's 6th birthday! Queen for a day! Happy birthday, girl.


November 16, 2008

We here at Keith Ryan Publishing have always tried to make you a better you, even if you couldn’t care less about being better or even knew that it was possible to change. We do this because a better you is better for the collective world, and since we are all connected, a better you is really a better me. See? So, how do you get better? You become more aware. You wake up. I’m serious.


November 17, 2008

How do you wake up? You examine your current life, you become aware of what you believe to be true, and then notice that these same truths are evident in your current life. These are your thoughts, your actions, your reasons for having done what you’ve done in your life (and will do for the rest of your life). Accept responsibility for having made it so. Think about what you’re doing. Think about what you’re making. That’s how you wake up.


November 18, 2008

The bags are more colorful than this couple. Look honey, a UFO is invading Earth and we’re all gonna die.


November 19, 2008

To Larry, a D average engineering student, it seemed like a good idea at the time – a crazy jump over a concrete post – see how happy he is! But as was mentioned, Larry wasn’t a great student, and in using incorrect spatial calculations it turned out that his uppermost apogee, the exact moment where he lost speed, lost upward trajectory, gravity reasserted itself and he fell back to earth smack dab on the post he tried to jump, was the moment this picture was taken. Future pics showed Larry in the hospital for trauma, Larry’s girlfriend leaving him, Larry flunking out of school, and Larry working at the burger joint.


November 20, 2008

Todd vowed to get his $14,000,000 bonus out of the Wall Street bailout even if he had to kick the bum of every person who said he couldn't have it.


November 21, 2008

I’m feeling good enough to win tonight’s lottery. That’s feeling pretty good, eh?

November 22, 2008

-- Could you describe this UFO?

-- Well, it was about yea big...and round. Sorta like that there – Hey, there it is!

-- Mr. Chesny, were you looking through your telescope at the time?

-- Wha'? I can’t remember.

-- Could you have been looking through the wrong end?

-- I’m telling ya, it’s right there above yer head!

-- And what would that be, Mr. Chesny?

-- That UFO there!

-- Are you a Republican or a Democrat, Mr. Chesny?

-- Huh?

-- Have you ever inhaled marijuana? Are you a meth freak, Mr. Chesny? Have you ever been out of the country, Mr. Chesny? Have you ever employed illegals? Associated with illegals? This is Homeland Security, Mr. Chesny. We have to make sure you’re not one of - them.

-- But it’s right there!

-- First things first, Mr. Chesny. Can you say the Pledge of Allegiance to me right now.

-- But the UFO...

-- I have a clipboard here full of things we need to know about you, Mr. Chesny. Now, do you have any liquids on you? If you have a computer I’m going to have to ask you to turn it on...


November 24, 2008

A gal told me that I should quadruple my content output because she wanted to read more new stuff all the time. I told her in lieu of me doing 4 times the work I already do, to go back and reread the older KeithSpeaks. There’s some really good fun in those previous months, and because the content isn’t dated, all of the material will seem new again. So she did. And after rereading all the KeithSpeaks, “and loving them”, ahem, she still wanted more! So I referred her to The Best of KeithSpeak, our newest download of the very best of the first 7 years of KeithSpeak, a spunky read loaded with all the KeithSpeak goodness anyone could possibly desire. She’s currently into that. I’m getting worried. What if she wants more? I’m not a machine! Tee hee.


November 25, 2008

Excuse me, but why is show jumping in the Olympics? To my knowledge, horses are the only animals in the Olympic Games. Why is that? You’d think it would open the doors to sled dogs and bullfighting, elephant strength contests, show cats and more. And to be an Olympic sport, don’t like half the people in the world have to do it? What half the world is playing dress up dressage after school? Oh hurry, Mummy, to the stables! Champion is awaiting my loins – we can’t wait to jump together! It’s an elitist sport, it gets like 70 year old, rich, white men Olympic gold medals, which is obscene when you think about it, and when there’s intense competition to allow more and more sports into the Olympics, you gotta look at retiring some of the lame-o ones too. Dressage and rhythmic gymnastics would be a grand place to start. There, Keith has spoken.


November 26, 2008

It was right on the border of snow and rain last night. Late Fall is finishing; early Winter is arriving. I know this for sure because my snowshoes have been chirping, Soon…Soon...Soon… from the corner of my office, my ice skates have been smiling all week, and I notice that the hockey sticks are standing up a little straighter too. If you love Winter – and I love Winter - then Canada – where I just happen to live - is the place to be – oh look at that, another fortunate move for Keith. Coincidence, mes amis? I think not.


November 27, 2008

They became an unruly mob after drinking gin at the beach in the hot sun. When they noticed that Larry was the only one in long pants, they ganged up and threw him off a cliff. It was all good fun, ha ha ha, and everyone enjoyed themselves a lot except for Larry, who landed poorly and broke stuff.


November 28, 2008

-- They’re crazy for me, Smithers.

-- You bet they are, Mr. Burns.

-- You sure the Beatles aren’t around here?

-- Ha ha, Mr. Burns, the Beatles.

-- Should I give a speech?

-- They already like you, Mr. Burns. Why say something and give them a reason to hate you?

-- You’re right, Smithers. I’ll just toss them the old thumbs up. The people love that. See, they’re crazy for me.

-- You bet they are, Mr. Burns.

November 29, 2008

All the potential of who you will become, what you will do, the life you will ultimately end up living, is present within you when you are born into this reality. You are a smorgasbord of unrealized potential. You can do or be anything you want. Unrealized potential is your future. The future is malleable. Why not make something of yours?

November 30, 2008

My day starts with putting the chains on the tractor and commencing winter maintenance. I know, I’m just fortunate that way. Hope your day is just as rewarding. Ta.


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KeithSpeak                                 December 2008



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