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KeithSpeak - November 2007
November 1, 2007
I thought it might be fun to start the month out with a video. This is Nickelback’s Rockstar, courtesy of YouTube, who have in their censorship gusto, kindly removed all the 3rd grade bad words you’re not allowed to hear. (Wash your mouth out with soap, young lady!) Super fortunate for you, I’m here to tell you what they are, in order:
drug dealer
November 2, 2007
We got lots of mail. You want the lyrics too. That's the spirit! Everybody, sing along.

I'm through with standing in line
to clubs I’ll l never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
and I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
quite the way I want it to be

(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
for ten plus me

(Tell me what you need)

I'll need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet

(Been there, done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me

(So how you gonna do it)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free

(I’ll have the quesadilla, on the house)

I'm gonna dress my ass
with the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
blow my money for me

(So how you gonna do it)

I'm gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and
today's who's who
They'll get you anything
with that evil smile
Everybody's got a
drug dealer on speed dial
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

We’re gonna sing those songs
that offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills
from a Pez dispenser
Get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip sync ‘em every night so I don't get 'em wrong


November 3, 2007
I’ve spent the last couple hours between Google Earth and Google Maps isolating and printing maps and information for an upcoming trip. I have a formidable stack of what is now to me, valuable papers. I stare admiringly at my glorious bounty. Two hours before, I had nothing. Now this! Once again, I am gobstruck at how the Internet has enriched my life.

November 4, 2007
The U.S. dollar is now worth 7¢ less than the Canadian dollar. Less. Doin’ a heckuva job, Bushy.

November 5, 2007
Have you ever had a problem that you’ve worked on for years with a direct head on frontal assault, applying fixes here and remedies there and sure, maybe things got better for a bit but were never quite completely satisfactory, and certainly not the be all and end all of your problem? So next you tried to think laterally, then out of the box, but those avenues are difficult to create and weren’t always fruitful to solving the problem, even though they were rewarding in other ways. And before you know it, here it is years later, and though you haven’t stopped thinking of ways to solve it, the original problem still exists. You know there will be some definitive solution to this, somehow, somewhere, sometime, you feel it in your bones, the Unified Theory of General Relativity does exist damnit! But not just yet. So we bide our time. Where was I.

November 6, 2007
We already talked about Reagan’s little head last month, but we never touched upon what a total whack job fashion-wise, Bush Sr. is. Look at this nerd outfit - white socks with a business suit?! And these geeky little headed fashion losers were running the country! Oh, and then years later you get the moron spawn of white socks boy and he ruins the country! So many tip offs...
November 7, 2007
Across the road, our neighbors of over 20 years have sold out to a developer. Days after the developer moves in, the road crews are here ripping up our dirt road, cutting down all the beautiful birches and firs that line it, to widen it and pave it for his future development. How much do we hate our new neighbor?

November 8, 2007
Got a boys weekend planned. Me and a couple of friends are flying to Green Bay to take in the Packers/Minnesota Vikings football game at Lambeau Field. We’re gonna watch Brett Favre throw like a maniac, and Adrian Peterson run his little pants off, and we’re gonna do this while drinking beer, outside, in a shrine stadium full of electric, home crowd energies, of which we’ll be a part. This is going to be fun. I won’t be posting the site, answering e-mail or dealing with book orders until my return on Tuesday. Ta.

November 13, 2007
What an out and out fabulous weekend it was. Favre, Peterson, brats, beer, cool, sunny weather, 72,000 fellow fans having as good a time as we were, the aura of Lambeau Field, insane tailgating, a massive victory (34-0), and the exuberant hospitality of the tiny town of Green Bay all rolled into one fun fun fun weekend...whew. Now all I need to do is recuperate.

November 15, 2007


It’s Sophie’s birthday! She’s 5 years old. Oh boy. Happy birthday, middle one.
Sophie at 5
November 16, 2007
My Dad needs a new computer and I’m not that far off myself. Susan’s Tablet PC is due for a ramp up as the technology has gotten better, and I’m thinking, if she’s up for it, we’ll switch her to the yet-to-be Apple Tablet, which is rumored to be in production. Honey, we get to learn Leopard! My Dad does not want to go to Vista because he is comfortable and knowledgeable about XP, but he may have no choice. And me, well I’m thinking of going open source with a pretty little Linux box. It’s looking like 2008 is going to be the year of the operating system in our family. I’m stoked. My wife and Dad, less so.

November 17, 2007
Dork alert.
Theodore Roosevelt and John Muir discussing their mutual penchant for bad girls
November 18, 2007
Get this. I’m creating a show for The Food Network. Me of pedestrian tastes. Yikes.

November 19, 2007
I spied this lovely personals ad in a local rag:
Barry and Tina, married couple who likes walks on the beach, candlelight dinners and bizarre science experiments where Tina treats me like a lab rat and subjects me to all kinds of cruel, inhumane, psychological and physical torture designed break my spirit while getting me off sexually, looking for couples who like the same. Serious replies only. No smokers. Christians preferred.

What a planet.

November 20, 2007
The dogs have all grown in their thick, rich, luxurious winter coats. Umm, it’s a very sensuous experience to run your hands through the coat of an Alaskan malamute in winter.

November 21, 2007
Speaking of gray, nasty, sunless days. It’s late Fall and there is cold, heavy frost every morning, and snow flurries throughout the day, and everyone living here knows that our Canadian Winter is not far off. I am, of course, stoked; my warm weather-preferring wife, less so. But don't cry for her Argentina. She will get her due next year when it's 38C and the dogs and I are sweltering through a global warming Summer. Then she will be in nature's glory while we wallow in our heated collective misery. It's our version of balance; the yin and yang of a northern lifestyle.

November 23, 2007
Overheard at the mall:

-- I did Shelly’s cousin last night.
-- You serious? You did your girlfriend’s cousin?
-- We was playing strip poker and stupid girl didn’t even know two pairs beats three of a kind.
-- Two pairs don’t beat three of a kind.
-- Hey man, I had queens and nines, she only had fives, so I won.
-- Dude, you lost. Her hand was better. Where was Shelly while you was cheatin’?
-- She was playing too.
-- And she didn’t mind you doing her cousin?!
-- I told you, man, I won!

November 24, 2007
My horoscope says that today’s the big day. The start of a high flying, decade long cycle. All the planets are converging. Newly minted full moon to usher in the whole shebang. November 24th, it assures me, red letter in every way. Oh boy! I clear my schedule. Get my affairs in order. Now I’m just hangin’ out, waitin’ on the fabulousness to begin.

November 25, 2007
-- What do you think of our convertible plane, boys? Sure, we were skeptical at first, but then my wife told me to wear my lucky camel blazer today, and I sure do feel a lot better about this airplane now!
-- Ooooh, we’ll make a mint! It’s a money machine! Easy, easy. Control yourself mister controller. Straighten your tie, quit smiling! stop drooling. Ooooh, we’ll make a mint! Easy, easy.
-- Looking down on it I can see that the view would be to die for. And night flights would be planetarium like. But won’t luggage and people fall out?
-- I’m not getting involved. I am a sane man. I am remaining aloof. Planes must have tops on them. I’m not saying a word.
--Yup, she’s my baby. Isn’t she beautiful! Nobody else has ever even thought of a convertible jetliner before I did. I’ll be famous. I’ll make the cover of magazines. You’re so cute! Papa loves you! Yes, he does!

November 26, 2007
It’s just one of those days when I have nothing to say. I’m sure I’ll be full of it again tomorrow. Ta.

November 27, 2007
Yesterday afternoon, I thought that maybe I should put the snow chains on the tractor because, you know, snow can’t be too far off, and it’s quite unpleasant to have to do a chain hookup crawling around in the snow with wet, dripping tires and heavy chains on wet, cold ground (tractor chains are industrial duty and each tire set weighs over 100 pounds a piece, plus they’re a tight fit because of the upstanding treads on a tractor tire, so there’s a lot of mucking and adjusting involved). Anyway, I spent a dry, leisurely hour and a quarter putting them on the tractor. I woke up this morning to 4 inches of snow. Brilliant.

November 29, 2007
I had a disconcerting dream last night in which I was wearing a college letter jacket, but not from my school. It was in fact, the blue and maize of our dreaded rivals! I went to Ohio State, but in my dream, I lettered for Michigan! I woke up in a cold sweat. Heck, it’s hours later and I’m still dabbing myself.

November 30, 2007
This month just flew by. It was jammed packed and full of all kinds of nice surprises. A swell 30 day period it was (except for that Michigan thing at the end). Makes me wonder, will December be as fulfilling?

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December 2007


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