Header Graphic
KeithSpeak - August 2007


August 1, 2007
I can’t believe it. The dancing girls are late. It’s my big night, but their bus broke down in Banff, in front of a club, a real hot spot I guess. I think they said repairs could take all night, it was hard to hear on the phone, the music was pretty loud, live band and all... Hey, wait a minute...

August 2, 2007
Overheard in line at the liquor store:

-- Hey man, I haven’t seen you since the accident. How you doing?
-- They did surgery on my head. I'm on all these meds. I'm gonna get hammered tonight, man, take that ride. What you got, beer? Let’s party at your house, ok? I got Sara's car.
-- Man, I thought you weren’t allowed to drive no more?
-- That’s so stupid. How am I s’posed to do stuff and get to the liquor store?
-- Dude, you were drunk driving.
-- I was impaired, man, not drunk. Them are two different things, legally.
-- Hell, all's I know is you were drunk when you left my place - and the cops said that wasn’t your last stop-
-- Seriously, we gonna party at your house or what?
-- Ok.

Sheesh. The high life.

August 3, 2007
It’s August, been hot as blazes, but you know what I felt early this morning? A touch of Fall in the air. It was there as clear as the breeze it came in on. Sweet.

August 5, 2007

He stood in the doorway oozing that excitement a man oozes when confronted with a beautiful woman slowly descending a staircase wearing an exquisite designer gown that just happened to be backlit by the hallway window, rendering the sheer dress completely diaphanous, and revealing to the now near salivating doorway date the treasures within, which easily made him start to pant as well as sweat, which quickly drove him toward that cliff of no return on the edge of arousal when a man just...jumps, and was now so obviously worked up that the beautiful woman sensed something was horribly amiss, what with the sweat and the drool - when she suddenly realized that her very own feminine wiles were the object of his lust-urges and manly desires! - which luckily, revolted her no end because she knew from a co-worker that the guy had hair all over his back and the thought of touching that sent shivers up her spine to the point where she just had to stop on the steps and throw up, right then and there, effectively quelling the quaking man’s ardor, whereby he lost all steam and regained his civility by informing her that she had spittle on her dress and maybe she might want to change it, or at least put on some underwear.

August 7, 2007
I know a guy who recently refurbished a Moroccan prison into a B&B.
Apparently, the renovations were cosmetic in nature. Good bones, he let on.

Still, to hear the front desk say, Sir, your hole in the ground is ready, is probably not the dream of every traveler.

August 10, 2007
I’ve had early morning appointments for 3 days in a row. These appointments have eliminated the time I would normally be updating the site. They’re ruining my life. Bad appointments. Bad bad appointments.

August 11, 2007
I met someone who was so dramatic. But it wasn’t a heavy drama, a tragedy type drama, a woe is me I’m ready for my close-up drama, no, theirs was a light drama, drama-lite, not quite dark comedy, but bordering on the comic, for sure, I think. Or maybe I just took it the wrong way - you know, it was funny to me, tragic to them, ha ha, boo hoo, your basic misunderstanding. After a while, what was clear was that the stuff passes thru them like the weather does your town. Drama comes and goes. It’s emotionally draining. Pretty soon it’s quiet time. Recharge time. Pretty soon after that, everything is so dramatic returns. I thought it was fun. Like a roller coaster ride. Wheeee.

August 12, 2007
Today I’m off to help a friend reattach the wings on his plane. I know that sounds crazy, and I’m sure there’s a good explanation as to why the wings need to be reattached to his airplane, and now that I think about it, I seriously doubt I’ll be the first passenger up after we tighten the last bolt, but it ought to be a hoot. Ta.

August 13, 2007

You're fearful of the fire just over the ridge – imagine how those live trees feel.
August 14, 2007
I was up mowing new paths in the field and evidentially mowed over and exposed a huge in-ground hornets nest. They were in a rage and attacked the rotary brush cutter on the back of the tractor. I quickly moved about 40 feet away and they all went back to their damaged nest. It was fascinating to watch them flying around in a jumbled and excited fashion. I don't know why, but I wanted to see more, so I slowly backed the tractor up until I was just over the exposed area. They didn’t attack the machinery this time, so I was able to lean over the tractor and look down onto the nest. Holy moly, there were a million freakin’ hornets in it! The ground was crawling with hundreds and hundreds of the stinging beasts. It was scary to see so many in one place. With visions of one sentry looking up and shouting, There he is!, and a million more coming after me, I pulled away and left them alone. When I went up this morning to see what was what, I found the entire nest had been reburied. Wow. They're dangerous and industrious. Wow.

August 16, 2007


Every day, while the rest of the world is getting up, getting dressed, wolfing breakfast and traveling to work, I start my day by walking the dogs. Plush, eh?
Meandering up our driveway to our field - 8:30am
August 17, 2007
Have you ever met someone for the first time, but felt like you already knew them; like you’d met them before; like you had a history with them? Now I ask you, how is that possible? Heyyyy, could there be more to this life than that which meets the eye? Folks, don’t give this type of unexplained personal phenomena the brush off. Think about it. Examine it - even the unexplained. Especially the unexplained. I’m telling you, there’s tons of stuff going on. Wake up, you know.

August 18, 2007
Two tourists overheard in the parking lot of a local mall:

-- This town is a dump.
-- Tell me about it.
-- World War II architecture meets strip mall ugly.
-- You got that right.
-- I’d kill myself if I had to live here.
-- Yeah.
-- This town doesn’t even have a Burger King.
-- Are you kidding me?
-- Loserville.
-- Yeah, Loserville.


August 19, 2007
This was so great. I go to call a friend in Montreal, only I dial the wrong number, get a bunch of electronic squawks and squeaks, and the next thing I know I’m hooked into the Space Shuttle! That’s right, I’m talking on the phone to the guys in space, when one of them asks me where on Earth I am. I tell him British Columbia and he says, Oh my God, we’re almost over that right now! And I say, hey, snap me a pic and e-mail it to me from space. That would be so cool! They do, here ‘tis.

Our place from space.
August 20, 2007
I’ve already drunk a pot of coffee and eaten 5 donuts. Nutritional requirements? We don’t need no stinkin’ nutritional requirements.

August 21, 2007
Our neighbor’s dogs, all 5 of them, got loose and came over to our place this morning. Tuck, Sophie and Maddie were besides themselves. 8 dogs here at once. It was quite a treat. Got the day off to a rousing start.

August 22, 2007

Today is Maddie’s birthday! She’s 4! But she didn’t want her picture taken, she hasn’t been feeling well, so I’m posting an old favorite instead.
Happy birthday, girl.

August 23, 2007
Our town has been crowded with tourists getting in the last of their family vacations. One of the joys of a small town is that you know everyone at the grocery store and the bank and the post office, and that's how you catch up with people, but when the joint is jumping, your friends have no time to chat. When you can’t even see your friends at work, I have to say, bad tourists. Bad bad tourists.

August 25, 2007
Get rid of Bush and the alternative energy sector would explode with innovation. Wouldn’t that be nice, on both counts.

August 26, 2007
Julie wonders what life would be like if she wasn’t a deckhand on a Panamanian freighter.
August 27, 2007
If you would have told me 25 years ago that I would be where I am today, I would not have believed you.

August 29, 2007

Tips For The Discerning

Be it your car, your table saw, your welder, your tractor, treat machinery as if were a human you respect. Don’t baby talk to it or pet it like a dog, don’t act like it’s something other than what it is - like it’s your best friend or something, suddenly you’re spending days in the shed with the lawnmower, just talking about life, work, the wife - respect the metal, don’t get weird with it. Where was I. If you do that, the machine will want to be reliable and perform well for you. Will too.

August 30, 2007
Can you believe this? I have to go out of town today. The nerve! Ta.

August 31, 2007
I’m back from being out of town. More nerve! Can you believe it?

Return to KeithSpeak or go forward to next month


September 2007


Keith Ryan Publishing


Privacy policy

Copyright © 2024 keithryan.com
All Rights Reserved.