Header Graphic
KeithSpeak - April 2010




April1, 2010April 1, 2010
If the value of your life was based upon how much money you have, the Wall Street jerks who took down the economy would be the most advanced people on the planet. And if you're fool enough to believe that, then this is definitely your day.
April2, 2010April 2, 2010
Mt. Edith Cavell

On this day ages ago, Susan and I got married outside in the shadow of Mt. Edith Cavell, in Jasper, Alberta, Canada. A series of extraordinary things happened that marvelous day. It was as if there was a conspiracy of the cosmos to ingrain indelible memories in the two of us. It was the best wedding present ever. Happy anniversary, dear.

April1, 2010April 3, 2010
I was expecting a large file of 80MB or more, but I wasn't sure how it could be sent to me without us both having FTP access. When he asked for my Skype address, my surprise was sudden, complete. I didn't know you could do that with that. Turns out you can send files up to 2GB through Skype. Face to face file transfer, jeez, who knew?
April 4, 2010
Despite a Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy, evidentially there were other ways to identify gays in the military.
April 5, 2010
I was talking to this guy who was in remarkable shape. He does marathons and triathlons and cross country ski endurances races and even in the gym he is always pushing himself to the physical limits of his body. I asked him why he did that. He shrugged, "I dunno, it's something to do." But what's your motivation? "I dunno," he said, "never thought about it." Wow. I couldn't imagine living my life with a lack of drive to discover a self that can only be uncovered by examining one's life.
April 6, 2010
Over the last year we've had a bunch of dead birch trees come down near the barn. They were big and old and all told crushed part of a fence, dented the metal edge of the roof on the end of the barn, killed a slew of younger trees that got landed upon, and left a widespread mess in terms of clean up. Why didn't I cut them down before all that happened? 1.) I like looking at them, dead or alive, 2.) they are home and food for many bird species; they're often hosts to large bee and wasp nests, which is a good thing in an agricultural area, and 3.) it's where paper comes from, and I'm a writer, so call me a sentimental fool, though I'm not, ask my wife, nah-uh. Where was I. Damage repair? Small price.
April 7, 2010
I was reading an article where a member of a well known rock band described the precise moment he said the band had made it. He said there is an actual line in his life where nothing before was ever the same way again. Since that was many many years ago, it was quickly followed by the obligatory disclaimer of the gifted and jaded, he said (mixing metaphors and similes), "Remember, my brothers and little hotties, be careful what you wish for, because the grass is always taller on the other side of the stick, and it might come true, and not be what you think, and you might want to kill your manager, I mean strangle the bastard with my bare hands, so go for the gold my chillin's!, and be Number 1, and god bless America and god." Goodness. Is it me or was that was just plain inspiring.
April 8, 2010
              A thoroughly modern Mona Lisa. Can you decipher that smile?  
April 9, 2010
I'm feeling inspired today. Ahem.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If I have to see that idiotic commercial one more time, you know, the one with the guy who does that thing and then laughs like it's funny when it isn't and then finishes with that brain dead look at the end like that's supposed to make up for all the nonsense and drivel in between? I swear...
And I love you.
Thank you. Again, thank you.   
April 10, 2010
I wonder if it makes Steve Jobs mad to walk into someone's home and see no Apple products. Because that's what would happen here, if Steve Jobs were here, at my house, looking around. Wha, is that so implausible? Maybe he has a cousin that lives here who is hosting the Jobs family reunion but at some point Steve wants to get away by himself on  a bike ride to think about Apple stuff only he gets lost on our rural road and his iPhone won't work because, you know, it's Canada, so he stops at our house to use our "quaint" land line (his words, not mine) to call for Jobs family rescue help. Ok, so he hangs up the phone and then he looks around our place and sees no Apple gear. Does he get mad?
April 12, 2010
You know how they talk about the mystery of life? But what if it isn't. What if life is a ball and the only mystery is why others aren't living it the same way.
April 13, 2010
Lately, all these cosmology shows on TV have had all these experts detailing future disaster scenarios for the planet - the sun will burn out over here, an asteroid will hit us over there, our moon will disappear and destabilize the earth, etc.  Enough with the cosmic death conjecture, ok? Why aren`t you in awe of how perfect this planet is, and the unmistakable, truly remarkable, completely undeniable fact that we all exist in a narrow window of the perfect distance from the sun, perfect operating temperature, a robust atmosphere and a healthy, live planet we are rapidly destroying as if we had some other place to go. It's perfect now. So note to TV producers - stop telling me how this is all going to end. You're bumming me out, man.
April 14, 2010
We've been having maintenance issues the last few days. Sometimes the site is here, sometimes the site is not. I apologize for this trickery, even as I tell you I think it's going to happen again tonight. But you're here! You came back! As a thank you gift, I offer you the Big Dipper to contemplate.
April 15, 2010
While Susan has been out of town I was nearly seduced by a home improvement show that made me want to whitewash the living room walls and ceiling and remove the carpeting to reveal the hardwood floors underneath. Fortunately, though I considered the project for several days, I finally decided not to do it, not because I don't think it would look good, because it would, and not because I was afraid of Susan's reaction upon her return to a different house than the one she left, but because I know that in an old house, when you improve one thing, it makes everything else look shabby. So one fix turns into another and another until the whole place gets renovated, when all you wanted was a little change, a little sprucing up, a little freshening. That, and well, the Stanley Cup Playoffs have started...
April 16, 2010
My horoscope for today said that an unknown would turn into a known. And by gar, it just happened. I was out of the loop. Now I'm in the loop. You know, at one time I was the loop. Heck, I founded the loop. I created the loop. But the loop moved on. But now I'm back in the loop. So I guess you could say the loop has come full circle. Isn't that poetic? The merging of art and information, right here, right now, right before your eyes. Ta-duh.
April 17, 2010
I got distracted this morning. It started with a piece of lint and went all the way to rearranging the pictures on the wall. Maybe this would look better over there? Only one way to find out! It was horrible. When I was done, all the pictures were back to their original positions. Anyhoo, that's about it so far. Maybe they'll be more later. I can't predict these things.
April 18, 2010
I'm at a social where I meet this cynical woman who's down on everything and backs it up with details of terrible travails and unfairnesses in her life, eventually running out of awful stories and soul searing events and feigning interest, asks me how I'm doing. When I tell her that my life is just peachy, she pooh poohs that and says I'm clearly super naive, don't know what I'm talking about, don't have a clue how hard life really is, it's obvious, poor Keith, poor poor deluded Keith. I mentally debated whether to tell her that her crappy world view is creating the awful life she feels victimized living and I, a person enjoying a contented, self-directed existence should be seen as a life saving beacon to a drowning woman such as that, but instead excuse myself to refresh my beer, where the next person I meet blurts out, Gawd, I've heard all these awful stories about you! Jeez, man, I dunno, maybe I should get out more.
April 19, 2010
She's upstairs calling for you. But you just kicked off your shoes, opened a cold beer, turned on the game and for the first time today, forgot about work. She calls again. You look up the stairs past the sweep of the arch following the words to their source. You're exhausted, the beer tastes incredible, they just dropped the puck, but you're also a man and sex is sex. Again, the beautifully composed staircase calls. Do you stay or do you go?
April 20, 2010
You'll often hear people exclaim, Whoa, too much information!, but rarely will you hear anyone praise just the right amount of information. This is the picture equivalent of just the right amount of information.
April 21, 2010
The Official Keith Life Cycle: When you're younger, you just take life as it comes. When you're middle aged, you think you better plan things out more. When you're old, you think back to how that all worked out for you. When you're dead, you see things for what they were. Tidy, eh.
April 22, 2010
Caught in the glare of a Myrtle Beach motel, she is looking way too happy, he too stunned. Just what's going on here? What are these people hiding?
April 23, 2010
I used to drive tractor trailers and one of the most stressful moments in my life came from a 20 ton truck on a 10% grade on a black ice road in Montana. For better or for worse, I can relive that moment and its sky high stress level by watching Ice Road Truckers - the Dalton Highway. The producers of that show ought to put heart monitors on those drivers because I'm telling you, it can get intense. I know, I've been there - and I'm a pretty well balanced guy. Anyway, I'm watching last night, getting all worked up and thinking, Now this is TV!
April 24, 2010
You know when people ask what you do and you tell them your job? Why doesn't anyone ask who you are, or what makes you happy, or how's that personal development thing coming along? I'm just sayin'...
April 25, 2010
So Stephen Hawking says that if aliens come to Earth, they'll just want to rape our planet and its resources and then move on. Avoid the aliens, he says. For such a smarty, he's kind of a trash talker. Look, he could be right. He could also be dead wrong a million ways to Sunday in a million other scenarios, any screenwriter will tell you that, but wait, it makes sense that a shriveled up guy living life in a crippled and tortured body would maybe have, oh say, a bias toward being physically overpowered and forcefully dominated, and really have no confidence in being anything other than a victim, right?, OR, maybe Stephen Hawking is jealous that some other smarter species would replace his big brain as a media darling and give interviews on Oprah and have their own TV shows on the Discovery Channel instead of him? Why gee, looky there, a quick two out of every scenario possible under the sun. Take that.
April 26, 2010
Our neighbors have a new black stallion that is mesmerized by Maddie. When he sees her in our field, he runs up to the fence and bristles and dances and snorts and stares as if to say he's never seen anything like it before or since. For whatever reason, Maddie plain fires him up. Seemingly aware of this (and from the safety of her own field), she will go down on her front haunches likes she wants to play, which always sends the horse into a tizzy whereby he runs around his pasture kicking up his heels and snorting before coming back to the fence to watch her some more. It's pretty darned cute.
April 27, 2010
What Stephen Hawking Dreams About
Space robot overlords! Hundreds of them! Here to pillage our world!
April 28, 2010
I like being the boss of myself. I don't really relish being the boss of others. I can motivate people, but the nuts and bolts stuff - the hiring and firing, the running of the day to day, the company politics - that's not so good for me. I'm just saying this now in case any company big shots out there are looking for a new boss to hire and find themselves thinking, Hey, what about Keith? Save everyone some trouble.
April 29, 2010
Our social network, still in development, is going international. Today, a representative of a Japanese software company is flying in to British Columbia to discuss our network's implementation in Japan. Next week, my partner will fly back to Japan with him. Me? I'll be right here at home. I'll set up another computer clock that will show the current time in Japan (+16 hours), and I'll telecommute from Canada, in the comfort of my bathrobe, and if it so happens to be the right time of day, my time, maybe even drinking a beer at work, so to speak, if I so desire, 'cause I could you know. Ah, technology.
April 30, 2010
I've surprised myself by doing something I didn't think I would do. And I did it darned well! But I can't tell you what it is because that would be bragging. And if there's one thing I hate, it's someone who's always talking about himself. Heyyy, wait a minute...

Return to KeithSpeak or go forward to next month

KeithSpeak                                            May 2010


Keith Ryan Publishing


Privacy policy

Copyright © 2024 keithryan.com
All Rights Reserved.