Some things are timeless. This is what our 1984 Toyota Landcruiser looked like new.
This is after 19 years.
Timeless? You bet.
June 2, 2025
They were members of a megachurch whose 'pastor' was arrested for embezzlement, money laundering and 14 other counts of malfeasance. Those afflicted church members were offered free counselling. The final report said these people were "literal captives of their own beliefs" and were suffering from Stockholm Syndrome as many of them were still tithing the church even though they knew their money was being used to buy luxury jets, vacation homes and the like. How desperate and clueless do you have to be to voluntarily give money to real criminals acting like fake soul saviours?
June 3, 2025
Overheard a mother and daughter at the grocery.
-- How many are coming?
-- 6, maybe 7.
-- You dated 7 guys!
-- Your father and I have been divorced for 3 years. That's just an average of a couple a year. That's not so bad.
-- So why are you having them all over for dinner at the same time?
-- I need to compare.
-- Do they know the other ones are coming?
-- No. Each one thinks it's just me and him.
-- They're gonna freak out.
-- Those that do will be ruled out.
-- Ruled out for dating?
-- Ruled out for a long term relationship and possible marriage.
-- Mom, this sounds like an accident waiting to happen.
-- Maybe so, but those that cause a fuss will get jettisoned.
-- Why can't you just make a decision? Pick one guy?
-- I need to compare them all at the same time. Then I'll make my choice.
-- This sounds nuts, Mom.
-- Maybe so, but when you are an attractive divorcee, it's about more than just sex.
-- Ew.
-- Does Dad know you're doing this?
-- It was his idea.
-- Ew!
June 4, 2025
A MAGA moron was demonstrating to her MAGA boyfriend how she could stand on her head for Trump but she lost her balance, fell over and put her feet through a glass coffee table. Several operations later, she could now walk without overwhelming pain. On the anniversary of her debacle, her boyfriend asked her to recreate the stunt for her Instagram page. This time she fell on the edge of the wooden coffee table that had replaced the glass one and broke her back. She says she wants Taco Trump to pay for her back surgery. Haw! silly MAGA moron girl. Skinflint Trump doesn't pay anyone for anything. His schtick is inflicting misery, not alleviating it. Wake up.
June 5, 2025
Went to a self serve car wash yesterday and watched a woman spray the interior of her car with cleaning foam and then she rinsed it out with gallons of water. Then and now, I'm at a loss for words.
June 7, 2025
Why do people always have to blame someone else for their own foibles? It's just projection. Take responsibility for the shit you do and your life will have more meaning. Will too.
June 8, 2025
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Following the dumbest of dumb
Is just dumb. Capish?
June 10, 2025
Overheard a family of 4 European tourists.
-- Mummy, why are we in Canada? I thought we were going to Disneyland.
-- I know, honey, but plans have changed.
-- Why?
-- Yeah, I want to go to Disneyland!
-- Look kids, they are having riots in Los Angeles. We can't go there.
-- Who is they?
-- The ignorant American President and his henchmen. They are trying to show how tough they are against immigrants.
-- Mummy, what's a henchman?
-- They are idiots blindly following a moron who doesn't have a clue what he's doing.
-- Then why are we in Canada.
-- Because this is a sane country who cares for its people. No one will be shooting at us or sending in armed military soldiers against us.
-- But we're tourists!
-- Ben, in the eyes of America, we are from somewhere else and they hate people from somewhere else.
-- Kids, your mother is right. Staying away from America is the best thing we can do now.
-- Does Canada have a Disneyland?
-- No.
-- I want to go to Disneyland!
-- Keri, when Trump is dead, you can go to Disneyland.
-- Will that be soon?
-- We can only hope.
June 11, 2025
She ditched her husband in favour of her boyfriend. Later she left her boyfriend for a woman she worked with. After a bit, the two of them broke up but she had to find a new job because she couldn't work with her ex. On the new job she shagged a couple of interns, one of which became possessive and started stalking her. He eventually killed her in a fit of rage when he caught her in bed with some random guy she picked up at a Holiday Inn bar. At the funeral, everybody showed up. Her mother said she was always looking for the love she never received at home. Her father scoffed at that saying she was just a floozie. Her ex husband said she was needy and glad to be rid of her. He ex boyfriend said she was just a lost little girl. Her ex-girlfriend said she was mean and vindictive for no good reason. Neither intern knew what to make of her. The only one to praise her was the Holiday Inn one night stand who said he loved her with all his heart until she got killed in his bed twenty minutes after meeting her.
Moral of the story: If you don't find the reasons and motivations for doing what you're doing, everybody else will have their own ideas of why you are the way you are. Is that what you want?
June 12, 2025
When you live rural, one tractor is never enough. Our brood, 58 years apart.
June 14, 2025
I got solicited for a movie job but the producer said that he had read a dozen KeithSpeaks and found me impressive (puff puff) but "a little too outre" for his tastes. He said if he couldn't find someone more to his liking, he would give me a call. Several responses occurred to me:
Don't bother.
Fat chance.
Am I supposed to be thrilled I'm your second choice?
Am I supposed to be flattered or appalled that you said that to my face?
I've seen your movies and if I'm interested in lowering my standards, I might give you a call.
Ok, but my rate has doubled.
In the end I chose, Don't bother, because as Popeye so eloquently put it, I yam what I yam.
June 16, 2025
Trumpolini says America is winning. At what, the world asks. This dimwit gasbag is a joke to anybody who's ever made it past 3rd grade, something he himself obviously never did. You all elected a 34 time convicted felon and a fucking RAPIST. Wanna explain that?! Cut your losses, turf this shit smelling, golf playing, fascist fat ass. He's stupid as sin, mentally deficient, cognitively impaired and for some unknown reason is supported by a cadre of losers and sycophants afraid he will give them a fucking nickname. Wake up, America, you are being led by a punk, a two bit psycho, a liar who can't read and can't comprehend that he is hated and reviled. Just sayin'...
June 17, 2025
A loving husband and wife were playing a board game when the wife wanted to bet real money on the outcome. Playfully, he agreed and lost. She went out shopping with her winnings. One of her buys was a string of scratch off lottery tickets. Incredibly, she won a million dollars. He argued that it was his money that paid for the tickets and he was entitled to half. She vehemently disagreed. They ended up in court. That led to a divorce. A loving couple no more, they bitterly parted ways. So, um, who was the real winner here?
June 18, 2025
A friend wakes up, grabs his phone and spends the next 3 hours posting drivel to social media. He says he does this every morning. I say what a waste. Discuss.
June 19, 2025
Overheard a woman at the vets talking to her dog.
-- When you get well we're throwing him out. No one treats my baby like that. I don't know who he thinks he is, but trust me, honey, he's gone. Then it will be just you and me. I love you, sweetheart. He doesn't. You stay, he's gone. I promise. I promise you.
June 20, 2025
A property was sold near us that had the most magnificent trees on it. Two weeks later it had been denuded. The new owner, a farmer from Saskatchewan, didn't give a hoot that trees were living organisms, habitats for animals, and a great natural beauty in and of themselves. His neighbours now hated him. One of them enough to put up a sign: Hey asshole, it's called Beautiful British Columbia for a reason.
June 21, 2025
He bought a new phone and with great satisfaction loaded it with his favorite apps including his banking info. A short time later his phone was pick pocketed. An even shorter time later his bank account was drained and 3 new credit cards had been taken out in his name. Needing to blame someone, he swore he was going to kill Steve Jobs for ruining his life. But just like he was unaware of his banking compromise until it was too late, he had no idea that Jobs was already dead. When he found out he cried and cried.
I can't get no satisfaction
I can't get no satisfaction
'Cause I tried and I tried and I tried and I tried
I can't get no, I can't get no
The Rolling Stones
June 23, 2025
Woke up at 4:30 AM to a bear on the front porch. He rooted through an empty garbage can, wrecked the hummingbird feeder and then left. This guy has been hanging around our house for a couple of days now. I'm gonna have to write a note, post it on the front door, ask him to go visit the neighbours. Sure hope he can read.
June 24, 2025
Roses are red
Violets are blue
No kings
But even if there were, why would anybody pick a lying brain dead toady to be one
June 26, 2025
I was gifted a really cool, custom made, very large bat box for my birthday. It is to sit on top of a 16 foot post. I will have to dig and bury it at least nearly 6 deep in the ground to hold the top heavy weight of the box. Then cement the whole thing into the ground while maintaining level and plumb on the post. How that will be managed by myself should be nothing short of interesting. Ah, the rural life.
June 27, 2025
Overheard two women at the wharf.
-- I love coming down to the waterfront. Look at this scenery! We live in the most beautiful place.
-- Maybe for some.
-- What are you talking about, it's gorgeous.
-- I don't know how to swim, Rosie. All I see is a watery deathtrap.
-- You've never been in the lake? You've lived here all your life, Alice.
-- No one ever taught me to swim so naturally I'm afraid of the lake.
-- You could learn at the community pool. That's nice and safe.
-- Rosie, I'm 45 years old. It's too late to learn.
-- No it isn't. You don't know what you're missing.
-- Yes I do: instant death.
-- Well, it wouldn't be instant. You'd thrash around for as long as you could, flailing and kicking, gasping for air, frantic, screaming your lungs out...
-- Gee, thanks for that visual.
-- It wouldn't be pretty.
-- Enough.
-- Of course, divers would have to retrieve your body-
-- Rosie! Jesus! Thank you for ruining my morning by describing my drowning.
-- It was nothing.
-- Says you.
June 28, 2025
If you have no idea what you're doing and instead are just winging it through life, are things going ok? Because if they aren't, maybe you should sit down and have a talk with yourself. Ask what it is you're doing and why that's not working. Because if you can see what's going wrong, then you can determine what it is you really want, figure out a plan or path to achieve it and follow that through. Would anything be any different? There's only one way to find out.
June 29, 2025
Today consists of measuring, levelling for plumb, drilling a few holes, siliconing some things, carriage bolting others. At the end of the day I will look back on my accomplishments and pat myself on the back. Say, what are you doing today that you'll look back on?
June 30, 2025
Overheard a kid and his mother at the doctor.
-- I better not be getting a shot.
-- If the doctor says you need one, you'll get one.
-- He better not.
-- You have to do what the doctor says.
-- I don't have to do anything. Dad says-
-- Don't listen to your father. He doesn't know anything.
