Baby Sherry was too smart for the Memphis family she was born into. At 2 months she could play the entire Brandenburg Concerto, soloing on every instrument. But her family loved country music in it’s simplest and stupidest form. Why didn’t baby Sherry play the guitar and sing about trucks and liquor, drugs and divorce? Who the hell was this Bach fellow anyway? After baby Sherry debuted with the Vienna Symphony Orchestra, they threw her out of the house on her 2nd birthday, fed up with her highfalutin classical music ways.
Sherry moved in with a waitress she met at the Waffle House. By the age of 3 she had climbed Mount Everest and won Jeopardy’s Tournament of Champions. At 5 she won the F1 world championship in a car that she designed and built in a shed behind the Waffle House. That same year she made it to the Stanley Cup Finals with the Nashville Predators only to have the team let her down and fall short in game 7. Her athletic career came to an end when she branched out into cosmology and astrophysics proving that Einstein didn’t know what the hell he was talking about and Copernicus was a drunk.
She married the Waffle House waitress at 8, divorced at 9 and at age 10 ran for President of the United States. But America knew that only the stupid can do that. Already a polyglot (she spoke 17 languages), she applied for French citizenship but before the papers could come through, ironically choked on a waffle at age 10, ending her brief life of accomplishment and notoriety. They buried her in an unmarked grave behind the Waffle House that caused her death so that everybody would immediately forgot about baby Sherry and the country could revel in ignorance once more.
Moral of the story? In America, stupid is smart, something to be lauded and revered so that no one ever stops to wonder what’s so smart about that.
January 3, 2026
I’ve had a cold, runny nose and sore throat for a month. Every time it would seem like the horror was ending, the whole shebang would catch fire again and the misery would start once more. Yesterday, I reached for the thermos mug on my desk and realized that I had been drinking out of that day in and day out. Am I reinfecting myself? We shall soon see. There’s now a new mug on my desk and there’ll be a new one tomorrow and the day after that. This is the kind of hope a New Year should engender, dontcha think?
January 4, 2026
He was married to a good woman but a scheming beauty at work decided she wanted him. It played out over 3 months until eventually, he had to make a choice between the two. He opted for his work wife and divorced his spouse. After she won him, the schemer no longer saw a challenge and dropped him like it had never happened. He was now divorced, without a woman, and his loving home replaced by a toxic workplace. He quit work, bought a sailboat and wrecked it in St. Kitts, dying that afternoon on a reef that he never knew was there or saw coming. Essentially encapsulating the theme of his life, in death. Fitting?
January 5, 2026
Overheard a couple of tourists.
-- This is a cute little town.
-- Yeah, hicksville.
-- That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?
-- They have one main road through town and only two fast food restaurants. That’s a hick town, Cassandra.
-- Well I think it’s quaint.
-- What, are you some grandma crocheting doilies?
-- I just like that it’s not all built up with a ton of strip malls and homeless people on every corner.
-- Let’s blow this pop stand and go where there’s some action.
-- Some action?
-- Yeah, a peeler bar or a casino, someplace with live music. What’s the nearest big town?
-- I don’t know, but I like it here. It reminds me of where I grew up.
-- What? Ohio? The sticks?
-- You’re such an asshole, Daryl.
-- You’re just hungry. Come on, Cassandra, let’s go.
-- I’m not going to a strip club or a casino.
-- Well, what do you want?
-- A new boyfriend.
January 6, 2026
Roses are red
Violets are blue
If Trump’s not a pedophile
Prove it.
January 7, 2026
At some point, everything old is new again – except mutton chops. Now why is that?
January 9, 2026
If you think you’re a good person, do others? Have you earned respect or demanded it? Do others treat you the way you expect to be treated or are you telling yourself little lies to justify your personal self-assessment? If there is a discrepancy between what you think and what you’re shown, telling yourself the truth is the only way to understand it. Is too.
January 10, 2026
I had what I thought was a good idea for a movie. I wrote up a proposal with a treatment and sent it to several production entities. They all said it was a bad idea. Really? I looked at it all again and was even more convinced it was a winner. As a writer, the choice is now to either write a script on spec and hope to sell it (which could entail months of unpaid work) or talk directly to the actors I'm writing it for, gain their agreement to appear in it and then refloat the treatment with the actors attached. Hmm.
January 12, 2026
BAD MOVIE DIALOGUE
KYLE
Will you hurry up. We’re gonna be late.
CHARISE
Relax Kyle. You want me to look like some hag?
KYLE
Why don’t you start getting dressed earlier?
CHARISE
I do it to piss you off, darling.
KYLE
Well, you’re doing a damn good job.
CHARISE
Typical male.
KYLE
Come onnnn.
CHARISE
I’m ready when I’m ready.
KYLE
Typical woman.
CHARISE
Baby, I need to look my best. That takes time.
KYLE
They’ll drool over you even if you have curlers in your hair
and are taking out the trash.
CHARISE
Such a lovely description of my feminine wiles, Kyle.
KYLE
What if you go without makeup?
CHARISE
Now you’re playing with fire.
KYLE
We’re always late.
CHARISE
Quit pressuring me.
KYLE
Let's go already. You look great.
CHARISE
That’s what they’ll all say WHEN I’M DONE.
KYLE
You’re killing me, Charise.
CHARISE
Not yet, Kyle, but just keep it up.
January 13, 2026
LETTER OF THE MONTH
Dear Keith,
I need some advice. I met this girl. A 7 out of 10. Brunette, real pretty but kind of clingy. She really seemed to like me – a bit too much. Anyway, I get to her apartment and meet her roommate. OMG! A 10 out of 10. I was crazy about her immediately. She was my dream girl – blond, built, funny and gorgeous. But the first girl immediately got jealous when she saw my reaction to her roommate and started to cling even harder. I want the blond, but how do I dump the brunette? Wait, it gets even more messed up. I got arrested and while I’m in jail, the brunette waltzes into the holding area. How did she get in the jail? Turns out her father is the top cop in town. Basically, she talked him into letting me go. Now the brunette thinks I owe her, is attached to me like Velcro and is now acting like we’re married. But I don’t want to give up on the blond. What do you suggest?
Signed,
In a Quandry
Dear Quandry,
Move? Start over. Forget both women and get out of town. If you dump the brunette for the blond, what is to stop the scorned brunette from having Daddy Cop arrest you for something else? If the girls live together, you cannot date the blond without encountering the cast aside brunette. Moving may not be the best advice, but hanging around with a vindictive Daddy Cop ready to do his daughter’s bidding is a lose-lose situation. There are 8 billion people on the planet, son. Find another blond.
January 14, 2026
If you love a demented lying gasbag like Trump, that says way more about you than it does him. Capish? That old fool can’t help but be the douchebag cretin he is, but you…
January 16, 2026
He said he was a time traveler. Gave no proof, had nothing to corroborate his claim and after acquiring a ton of online followers, just disappeared. Social media then blew it up into a juicy conspiracy. In the end, his story became legend among brain dead youth desperate to believe there is a way to escape these messed up times and in the process showed exactly why social media is a toxic haven for the disenchanted, unloved, gullible and desperate who believe everything they read online because they think it gives meaning to their vacuous lives. It’s sad, caustic and detrimental. What say we put the schmucks responsible, Zuckerberg, Musk and their ilk, in stockades and provide the public with tomatoes to pelt them with? Come on, who’s with me!
January 17, 2026
Her parents had been planning her graduation party for months. They went all out and spent a fortune for a hall, a DJ, an enormous cake, an open bar and invited all her friends and relatives to the big do. She would be the first person in her family to graduate from college and her working class immigrant parents were beyond thrilled. The problem? She ended up failing a necessary class and the school said she wouldn’t be graduating. Does she tell her parents? Cancel the festivities? Pretend she graduated, lie to everybody and have the party anyway? The course she failed? ‘Psychology of the Human Mind’. So of course, she had no idea what to do.
January 18, 2026
Well who doesn't?
January 19, 2026
How many people do you know that are happy with their lives? Zero? 3? 38? I ask because it seems that complaining about everything is the norm and if that is supposed to make you feel better or is seen as a path to happiness, I’m here to tell you that it’s not. Complaining is dissatisfaction often rooted in hate.
A short story -
Martha complained about everything – her husband, her worthless kids, the neighbours, and of course she regularly vented her disappointment online to other haters who made her feel vindicated in her hate. It wasn’t until she started complaining about worthless Trump that any of it was truly warranted. The end.
January 21, 2026
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Dear orange gasbag
The new world order is coming for you
January 22, 2026
Is there such a thing as too much of a good thing? When a good thing comes along, it seems most people are waiting for the other shoe to drop, not believing their good fortune can continue and in effect short circuiting the good in favor of the bad. Counterproductive? Why yes, yes it is. Why can’t those experiencing good fortune expect it to last? Well?
January 24, 2026
Overheard a couple at a store.
-- I’m not going.
-- Come on Jean, my whole family will be there.
-- I’m not crossing the border and that’s that. You can go by yourself.
-- What’s your issue?
-- You know damn well what my – our – the Canadian issue is.
-- What?
-- Trump, the nation’s village idiot, the blithering, lying, preening cocksucker who can’t die fast enough. I will never set foot in the US until he is gone and all the pricks who support him are too. That’s why, Allan.
-- But my sister is getting married.
-- To an American MAGA moron. Fuck her and her shitbag husband to be.
-- That’s not nice.
-- Neither is fascist America.
January 26, 2026
He was a star on his high school hockey team. He was a great skater with a lot of finesse and a wickedly deceptive shot. He drew a lot of interest from colleges who wanted to recruit him. He was the team’s top scorer but he’d had enough of the physical abuse he took at the hands of defensemen. He had lost teeth, broken ribs and his calves bore the scars of slashes. He told his father he wanted to quit. Instead of being a typical Canadian hockey dad with hopes his kid can go on to the NHL, he saw how beat up his boy was and agreed to let him quit. When he told his coach he was done, the coach tried desperately to talk him out of it and ended up cursing his decision by telling him he was making the biggest mistake of his life and he would amount to nothing. When his teammates found out, they ostracized him and refused to be friends. Fed up, he quit school at 17 and went to work at a local sawmill. He never played organized hockey again. It’s not your expected Canadian sports story, but it is one nonetheless.
January 27, 2026
Winter report: still no snow. This is Canada, damnit! Sigh.
January 28, 2026
Can someone explain to me why everybody kowtows to this demented old gasbag pedophile like he’s something to be afraid of? Fucker wears diapers! America has lost its mind for a geriatric pussy. Jesus take the wheel.
January 29, 2026
He was always hopped up. He drank 15 cups of coffee per day. His new girlfriend was a drug addict and she wanted him to try meth. But he was already so wired that he told her he was afraid for his heart and blood pressure and that he was fine with just coffee. She called him a lightweight. Her hard core friends laughed at him and said they were going to spike his coffee with meth. A week and a half later he had a heart attack. Did they?
January 31, 2026
He bought a new chair online and the first time he sat down a leg broke off and impaled him on his side. He had to have surgery and then decided he was going to sue the chair company. But he was too late, they had gone out of business months before and the online company who sold it was merely liquidating their inventory. So he decided to sue them. But they were in a foreign country and he would have to file the lawsuit there. He would have to hire a foreign lawyer, then fly back multiple times for the deposition, the court date and he would have to pay the lawyer and courts in their foreign currency. If he lost the case, he would have to pay it off in the same currency whose exchange rate with the Canadian dollar was atrocious. He went ahead with it anyway and it bankrupted him.
Moral of the story? If outrage outweighs common sense it's best to realize you’re barking up the wrong tree before it falls on you.
