KeithSpeak - September 2011

 

 

 

September 1, 2011
 
We are finally launching our new social network, VideoPenPals.net. Yea us. The site is predicated on casual, personal, shoot anywhere video, from your cell phone to the world. Are there still things that don't work on the site? You bet, tons of them. We still have a lot to develop and complete, but the core of the site is up and available. We have also just released our new Android app, Vmail - Free Video Mail, into the Android Market. Vmail is the communications component of the social network. For Android users, we have created a standalone app that allows you to use video mail with or without the social network. We like what we've done, hopefully you will too. Please visit.
 
September 2, 2011
I went to pull someone's chain and found it was attached to their I-lack-a-sense-of-humour bone. At first they were shocked, which I mistook for fake umbrage so I piled it on even more, but their shock turned to disbelief, stranding them at the intersection of severely put out and officially offended before I could say it was a joke, I'm sorry, my fault, my mistake, jeez. But the damage was done, and off they stormed, insulted that I had been so cavalier with their carefully constructed and easily offended sense of self. Sigh.
 
September 3, 2011
Pimp or player, Harold was living proof that old ones never die.
 
September 4, 2011
A friend of a friend refused to enter our house because of our malamutes. I asked him if he was afraid of big dogs and he said no. I asked if he was fearful of getting dog hair on his clothes and he said no. Their smell? No. Slobber? No. Then what is it about the dogs that makes you refuse to enter our house? "Their eyes," he says. "I can see behind their eyes and into their animalistic soul and even though they are domesticated creatures, I know that in them lurks the wildness of the wolf and that like all wolves, they secretly want to eat me." Huh? "If I go into their territory, their sanctuary, their home, I may never return." Wow, I'm not often left speechless...
 
September 5, 2011
If you told me that you could dance on the head of a pin, I'd have to think it was a damn big pin, you know? I understand that some lost Amazon tribe might take you at your literal word, maybe even seeing you as a god - the head of pin! And he's dancing! - but not me. Frankly, when one claims to defy the laws of physics, I've a tendency to think drugs and alcohol are involved.
 
September 6, 2011
This was kind of freaky. Two days ago, I was watching a TV program and before it was finished, I had to leave. It was a cable program that would be repeated several times over the next few days. Today, at a completely different time, I turned on the TV and what came up? The same program I had been watching two days earlier - at the exact same moment when I had to get up and leave it!  I actually thought I was watching a tape at first. But it wasn't! I literally picked up the same program from the EXACT moment I left it days before. Freaking weird that was. It was also nice to see how it finally ended.
 
September 7, 2011
For everyone aboard, it was about this point that the bargain rate cruise didn't feel like such a bargain anymore.
 
September 8, 2011
My parents are moving to another city from the one where I was born. I will have no more reason to visit my hometown after they leave. This doesn't make me happy and it doesn't make me sad. C'est la vie.
 
September 9, 2011
A package arrived in the mail from someone I don't know. Inside was a letter in a foreign language and several pictures. Provocative pictures. Pictures of an unknown blond with, well.... I see the name Josephina in the salutation. I see a bunch of CAP wording in the body and a lot of exclamation points. It's a dramatic letter, but one I can't read, about a person I don't know, so I can only jump to conclusions: Blackmail! Ooh, I'm on the case.
 
September 10, 2011
Leisure suits, coy poses and lollipops do not a pretty picture make.
 
Martha, you're desperate blind date is here, and he brought some candy.
 
I'm coy, I'm cute, I'm drinking pink. Call me.
 
September 11, 2011
In a room by myself, I see, out of the corner of my eye, movement. When I look in that direction, there is nothing there. I turn back. It happens again. I look again. It's all still static. Over the course of the next week, it happens many times. So what am I seeing/sensing as movement, and from whom?
 
September 12, 2011
Someone told me he doesn't vote anymore. He said it was because politics have nothing to do with living his life and that for the most part, politicians seem to be a pack of liars, show boaters, weasels and thieves. He said he has to abide under the same laws and policies as everyone else, so all the wrangling and posturing and stupidity of these blowhard, self-important nobodies wasn't worth his time or attention, and in fact, made him angry. "Politicians are douche bags. Cut out all their bullshit and you're still living your life. So why get all caught up with a bunch of bickering douche bags shilling for the highest bidder at my expense? And it's not like the next crop of elected scumbags is ever any better than the wretched crew they replace. So I don't pay them the slightest heed and I certainly don't vote for them. My life is all the better for it. I call it anger management."
 
September 13, 2011
If you imagine the worst, and expect the worst, the worst will follow. If you imagine the worst, but expect the best, you're giving yourself mixed messages and mixed up is what you'll be. If however, you imagine the best, and expect the best, then you are setting yourself up for the best possible outcome. Capish?
 
September 14, 2011
Modeling the very latest in haute couture winter gear, Roland struck his famous What Choo Lookin' At pose and with it, swept the Arctic Plus Size Male Model Challenge.
 
September 15, 2011
There ought to be a term for reality shows. In the beginning they can be entertaining and novel. After a season or two they become repetitive and banal. After four seasons the characters who once used to amuse you are now just tired and lame. So it's painfully obvious that no reality series should last longer than three years. Anything more than that and the producer should be jailed. Come on, who's with me?!
 
September 16, 2011
Roses are red
Violets are blue
If there is no such thing as UFOs, how come people keep seeing 'em?
And I love you.
 
September 17, 2011
I've been watching the Rugby World Cup happening right now in New Zealand. These brutes smack each other around with no padding or protection. They play in shorts. It's probably more relevant to ask who playing this game has not been concussed. It's brutal, primal and entertaining to watch. I'm well aware of the macho nature of the sport, but I'm still surprised that no one thinks twice about wearing a cup to protect their genitals, but nothing for their head.
 
September 18, 2011
You know how when you tell somebody to do something at least five times and they never do it, don't you just want to kill them swiftly, be done with it, which is so wrong, because it should be a painful, lingering death, especially if I have to ask a sixth time, especially a sixth time.
 
September 19, 2011
In this world, everything is connected, and at the end is a little hole you slip through to what's next.
 
September 20, 2011
Ran into a fellow whose sole goal in life was to be "rich as sin". When I asked him why, he said, "Because." He had no plans for the money. He was wedded to the belief that being "rich as sin" was enough in itself. Seemed kind of silly to me.
 
September 21, 2011
Of all the billions of people on the planet, how many actually become your friends? Five? A dozen? A hundred? Not that many, is it? Why do you think that's so? Do we have a limited capacity for closeness? Is it just too demanding to have tons of friends? Is it because you only have so much time or inclination to spend it with other people? It's quite an exclusive club, isn't it? Club You. Invitation only. Acquaintances and deliveries in the rear.
 
September 23, 2011
When I was a kid, we were driving to Cincinnati and were passed on the highway by a car that had Neil Armstrong as a passenger. It was one of those slow motion passings where the other car is doing maybe five miles an hour faster than we were so there was lots of time to stare. I kept looking at Neil Armstrong, mind boggled that the first man on the moon was only a few feet away, when he turned and looked directly at me. At 70 miles an hour on Interstate 75, I shared a moment with one of the most famous men in all of human history. Sweet.
 
September 24, 2011
Overheard conversation:
 
Her: If you're going to act as if nothing happened, then don't feign surprise when something does.
Him: You wouldn't dare.
Her: Oh, but I would. I will. I plan on it.
Him: Don't make me laugh. You'll chicken out, you always do.
Her: Not this time. You just watch me.
Him: I plan on it.
Her: You're such a pervert.
Him: You got that right.
Her: I hate you, and that's why I'm going to do it.
Him: You'll chicken out.
Her: Not this time.
Him: You're all talk.
Her: Not this time.
Him: Prove it.
Her: Prove that I hate you? That's easy. Just watch me.
Him: Ooh, I plan on it.
Her: You pervert.
Him: You got that right.
 
And they proceeded to have the exact same conversation all over again.
 
September 25, 2011
Soon.
 
September 26, 2011
I don't consider myself a philosopher, a pundit, a guru or an expert, but of course, I am. We all are. We all have our own ideas about what's what and how to live a life and what is true based on our experiences and perceptions. It's just that most people don't blog about it.
 
September 27, 2011
The Aeron Chair has a 12 year warranty, which is pretty remarkable. I just broke mine in its 13th year. So is that just me (unfortunate) or them (super planned obsolescence)?
 
September 28, 2011
A collection of other Keith Ryans courtesy of Google.
So what's in a name?
 
September 29, 2011
Witnessed a tragedy yesterday. At one point I hoped the worst was to be avoided, but things turned, and in the end it resulted in a terrible event that left everyone shaken. Processing that is completely dependent on whether one believes it's a cruel world, god's plan, or just an unfortunate random event.
 
September 30, 2011
I was told something to sell me something. My ears heard all of his fabulous claims, but my gut told me it was hot air and false promises. So I called him on it. The salesman chortled and pandered by telling me that instinct isn't all it's cracked up to be. I told him that instinct is EXACTLY what it's crackled up to be, and his pooh poohing of it just validated mine. Buh bye.
 

 

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