KeithSpeak - June 2015

 

 
 
 
June 1, 2015
When you die, and leave all this behind, what of you will remain here? 
Does a legacy need be material?
Does it matter if anything is left behind?
Will you be concerned with how you're remembered?
What will everyone think when your passing is announced? 
What will everyone say?
 
June 2, 2015
So many bad movies... Just read the atrocious reviews of a film that cost over 100 million dollars to make. If anyone in any business anywhere ever made a 100 million dollar mistake, think they would get a second chance to try again? But Hollywood's like, Hey, maybe the next one will be better! Here's some more money! We don't have a clue what'll work! The result? So many bad movies...
 
June 3, 2015
Woodland creatures too! My success astounds even me.
 
June 4, 2015
She was a smart girl on track for her degree but she was already in student loan debt for tens of thousands of dollars and it would be nearly double that by the time her degree was awarded. She thought that was ridiculous, so she quit college, bought an old food truck, had her dad, a mechanic and fabricator, fix it up, and she started her own business. Within the two and a half years she would have been in college gaining her degree but accruing more debt, on the food truck she managed to pay off her current student loans, pay off her dad, and put an additional $42,000 in the bank. Plus, she had her own business, wasn't fresh out of college owing $40,000 with no job, and, if she ever wanted to return to school and finish her degree, she would have her own money to pay for it. Everyone always said she was a smart girl.
 
June 5, 2015
Today, my day will be filled with purpose and light. It has been decreed. But this is not just about me, no, you have yourself a nice one as well. That way we can both enjoy the day knowing that others are too. Win-win, eh. Ok, later, my pretties.
 
June 6, 2015
It's been a whirlwind of activity here. Things just happened one after another. There was hardly time to catch one's breath before the next onslaught. Wave after wave came and went. It sure was something. But now it's over. All is back to normal. Ok, smoke 'em if you got 'em.
 
June 7, 2015
Can you really say that you've lived if you have no memories? A fellow got hit in the head and lost all memory. He can engage the current moment but he cannot remember before it. And when that moment has passed, he has no idea it ever happened. Can you really say that you've lived if you have no memories?
 
June 9, 2015
No Internet access today! Don't these people know I need to be online? Are they doing this on purpose? Are they trying to send some message? Is it personal? Is it negligence?! Is it - oops, I see a cable has popped out of the modem. Never mind.
 
June 10, 2015 
-- Look at that idiot with the camera.
-- It's like he's never seen cows before.
-- Maybe we should do something crazy.
-- What if we jump the wall and charge him?
-- Ooh, mad cow stuff! I like it.
-- Or, you know, we could just stay here and foam at the mouth.
-- Do an impression of a mad cow, but don't exert ourselves. I like that too!
-- How many pictures does he need?
-- Just think, if the horses were out here they'd be running around, flipping their manes, trying to be all pretty for the camera.
-- Not me.
-- Me neither. He gets what he gets.
-- Two cows.
-- Yup, two cows.
 
June 11, 2015
A drunk D list celebrity gets arrested and shouts at the cop, Don't you know who I am?! The officer says he knows exactly who she is - a washed up has-been actress who got more than her 15 minutes of fame and is now going to jail for acting up in public. On social media, the celebrity mounts a hate campaign against the officer and tries to get her woeful followers to bombard him with their outrage on her behalf. But no one does. The news media moves on to the next clueless celebrity who does something stupid in public. Sigh. Is this what we've come to?
 
June 12, 2015
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Jeb Bush for president?
Are you kidding me?
 
June 13, 2015
New people move into the area. They stop by and introduce themselves. Darlene from Texas and Niall from Dublin have one burning question: How come no mail is being delivered to their house? They assure me that they filled out all the forwarding cards and yet, not one piece of mail. "Not even junk mail," Niall added. You should have seen the look on their faces when I told them there is no home mail delivery here, never has been, and that everyone uses community mail boxes. Darlene freaked. "You mean anyone can see my mail?! What is it just in some big heap somewhere and everyone digs through it looking for theirs?! Is that even legal?! That is so backwards!" "I'll say," added Niall. Their misunderstanding was so cute.
 
June 14, 2015    
    AlexNormand  
Is this kid seeing
god
lizards on the wall
birds bigger than his head
a UFO
clouds in the shape of Hulk Hogan
red rain
a parachute failing to open
a bungee cord breaking
a sword swallower
a poltergeist
the colour mauve for the first time   
 
June 15, 2015
In conversation, some dude actually used the phrases tut tut, pish tosh and jabberwocky. To my knowledge he was neither British nor a hipster, and yet he was using phrases that were at least a century old, studded with artifice, the definition of anachronistic. Annoying? You betcha. Fortunately, I was able to fake a phone call (how modern) and leave. Toodles, he cheerily called out. Gak.
 
June 16, 2015
Somebody was bad mouthing a pop star like they personally knew them. In support of their opinion they regurgitated every sordid story of the pop star's life gleaned from the tabloids and Internet forums. If I were that celebrity and heard this person saying these wretched things about me, I would, well, I would...what would  you do?
 
June 18, 2015
Regarding yesterday's post, it was brought to my attention that there's a page in the Celebrity Handbook that tells them how to handle the rumours, lies and innuendo put out in the tabloids. Seems that in private they're to read everything and then stew and fret about the worst of it, but in public they're to say that they don't read the tabs and those who do ought to get a life. In other words, they're to lie about the lies.
 
June 19, 2015
A software company wanted to talk to me about doing some creative advertising for their new product launch. They sent me the software and I played around with it enough to know there were lots of glitches that really should be addressed before they release it. I suggested we use that as a positive and the center point for a humorous ad campaign based on the fact that it wasn't ready  yet. They talked amongst themselves. They didn't get it. They said, "You want us to feature our product's shortcomings?" I further elaborated on my campaign idea and explained how it would show them and their product in a positive light that would create buzz because it's self-deprecating and funny. They talked some more amongst themselves. "No," they said. Oh well.
 
June 20, 2015
You know how people say life is short? Well it isn't short. There's enough time to do everything you ever wanted to do. But procrastination, lies you tell yourself, excuses, these are all self-induced roadblocks and amount to pure and simple sabotage. Wake up! There is time for everything.
 
June 22, 2015    
A racist dog park! Look at that, no blacks allowed. Is this legal? A white dogs only park? My god, where is the outrage?
 
June 23, 2015
What if you acted toward everybody else as if they were you, born in another skin? Because who's to say that person isn't you? Really, who has a clue what the reincarnational rules are? Who's to say there can't be multiple yous born at the same time, in different skins, cultures, races? If you treated everybody as if you were dealing with another you, think how nice the world would be. Me, I might be prone to take it one step further and imagine myself living in a world only populated by me(s), where everyone thinks the same way I do and agrees with me 100% of the time. Oh, wouldn't that be swell. Would too.
 
June 24, 2015
Why doubt yourself? A well known athlete was talking about how before every game he's super nervous and sweats about what kind of day he'll have and whether he'll be good enough. He fills his head with negative chatter and self-doubt before he even steps out onto the field. "Then," he says, "as soon as I start playing, instinct takes over and the anxiety disappears." Just think how ready he would be to play if instead of bombarding himself with negativity he built himself up? All he has to do is acknowledge what he knows to be true. He knows he deserves to be there. He knows he's an asset to the team. He knows that it's not a fluke that others pay him exorbitant amounts of money to play the sport he loves. He knows that a million other guys would die to be in his position - but they aren't, he is. That's how good he is. What if he took the field flush with confidence and love for the sport he is playing? Might he not have an even better game?
 
June 25, 2015
Ooh, this gal was wish washy. She would say one thing and then change her mind and contradict herself. She would declare something, say with full confidence that that was 100% true for her, and would firmly believe that until she flip flopped back again. You couldn't pin her down on anything. You could never be sure she was still committed to what she'd said earlier. She was a politician. Another useless politician.
 
June 26, 2015
LETTER OF THE MONTH
Hallo,
I am physics professor in Russia. But this is about my wife Irina. She is highly sexy and desirous to men. Irina is flirt and comes to my lab to tell me all the things she has done. She knows this will excite me. I am smart man, why have I become enslaved to sex tart?
Sincerely,
Dr. Alex P.
 
Dear Dr. P.,
You are a physics professor married to a sex tart. Overanalyzation of that will ruin everything.
 
June 27, 2015
The Presidential race in the States looks like a track meet of upper class twits. Monty Python couldn't have fashioned a better set of dimwits.
 
June 28, 2015      
If he was looking at a man, his intent was clear - back off.
 
If he was looking at a woman, it was more like - after this dance. You. Me. The car park. The blue sedan with the spacious backseat. You blush. Should I be flattered? My name? You don't need my name, you need me. Dump that guy you're with, I'll send my girl away, we'll consummate this lust I know you feel. Those are beautiful heels. They turn me on. 5 minutes, mi amor. 5 minutes.
 
June 29, 2015
Relearning things habitually performed on a motorcycle are not natural. For instance, on every bike, the throttle is on your right and the clutch is on the left. Not on a Vincent Black Shadow. They were reversed. Riding that bike was like trying to throw with your off arm. It was so hard to not look spastic doing it. Anyway, I brought this up for a reason but I'll be darned if I can remember what that was. Huh.
 
June 30, 2015
Random things.
 
Just had three miserable days of 100+ degree weather that came to a head last night with a rousing thunderstorm that knocked out the power. We were thrown into darkness during a banging thunderstorm and I can tell you, the animals were not amused.
 
I was out on the lake in a friend's boat when it started taking on water. If it sank, I estimated that I could make it to shore and it wasn't my boat, so I breathed a sigh of relief. My friend, however, was frantic. He's not a good swimmer and it was his boat.
 
I saw this documentary on Glen Campbell as he took his last tour after having been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It was poignant to hear him sing the chorus of Gentle On My Mind.
It's knowing that your door is always open
And your path is free to walk
That makes me tend to leave my sleeping bag
Rolled up and stashed behind your couch
And it's knowing I'm not shackled
By forgotten words and bonds
And the ink stains that have dried upon some line
 
That keeps you in the back roads
By the rivers of my memory
That keeps you ever gentle on my mind.   
 

 
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